Name: John Irvine.
The former racing driver, from Northern Ireland? No, that’s Eddie.
The lawyer then, lord chancellor under Tony Blair? That was – is – Derry, AKA Baron Irvine of Lairg. It has been a while since he was 46.
I give up then – who’s John? He’s a fat roofer from Glasgow.
Oi! Less of the personal insults. Fattism has no place in Pass notes. It wasn’t intended as fattism. John, while permanently Glaswegian, was only temporarily large. Also, it’s relevant to the story.
Which is? John went on holiday, with his family, to the south of France.
Lovely. And? It seems he bought some stuff while he was out there.
So far, not worthy of this column. Wait, it gets better. On the way home, while checking in at Nice airport, John discovered that his suitcase was overweight.
The dreaded excess baggage charge? Yes, but John wasn’t having any of that.
So what did he do? He unpacked his suitcase and put on a few extra layers.
It has been baking hot down there, hasn’t it? How many extra layers? Loads, according to Josh Irvine.
John’s son? Yes. He’s 17, so obviously he put it all straight on social media – Snapchatted then tweeted it. “Suitcase was over the weight limit in the airport so ma Da whipped oot aboot 15 shirts n wacked every one a them on to make the weight,” Josh tweeted, with a video showing his dad pulling on layer after layer. It went viral, of course.
Link, please. OK, but be warned: there is a bad word in there. The Irvines are from Glasgow, don’t forget, where that word isn’t a bad one, more like a term of affection.
The C-word? That one. Unless you’re reading this in print, in which case, you don’t have to worry about it.
Josh could have helped his old man out, pulled a few tops on himself, no? Especially as he admitted some of his own clothes were in there. But he was too busy recording it, and laughing. He’s 17, remember.
And John got away with it? No excess to the people in orange? He’s a bit of a comedian, so he made the airline staff laugh, too, Josh told the Daily Mirror. Security took a little longer than normal, because they asked him to take off some clothes.
Some of those extra layers may have come in useful later, when they got home. What’s the temperature in Glasgow? At time of writing: 15C, rain expected later. Nice: 29C, sunny.
Do say: “Must ah eaten wan tae money pain au chocolates.”
Don’t say: “Whit ya gawkin at, ya speedy boarding walloper?”
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